#England Undernet IRC Chatroom Funny Excerpts

2007-02-08T21:40:00.000Z

* Jesus_Christ was kicked by Benway (you're not the messiah. You're a very naughty boy)

2007-01-18T15:40:00.001Z

HerrFlick> out on the motoray earlier, the steering on my car was purely an "advisory" role,,,,, the actual lane I was in was wind dependent

2006-11-19T01:36:00.000Z

@BrunoJ> i just don't care if they think we are apathetic

2006-11-03T23:48:00.000Z

@grandpa1> rob_london..Is there anything worth taking ????

2006-10-02T19:13:00.000Z

neuromotor> im noticing a fervent, yet dilapidated necessity towards unrequited sinful behavior in this channel of ambivalence
@Meerkat> sinful?
@Meerkat> unrequited?
@Meerkat> how can necessity be dilapidated?
neuromotor> i asked myself a simliar quandry before gaining admittance to this realm of inhospitability
@vaishnava> quandary isn't a synonym for question
@Meerkat> that whole sentence is diabolical lol
neuromotor> yes. but you arent blasted, are you. i have permission from the bottle before me
@Meerkat> lol
@vaishnava> most drunk people simplify their language out of necessity
@Meerkat> perhaps use a 2p word rather than trying to use a £10 one ;)
@vaishnava> rather than overcomplicate and obfuscate meaning as a concomitant result.
@Meerkat> lol
@Meerkat> see? now that works, but its annoying ;)

2006-10-02T18:44:00.000Z

+Star_girl> whats your favourite kind of cake?
+vaishnava> i don't like stumma cake
+Star_girl> whats stumma?
+Mu5tang> lol
@CelticGem> stumma?
+vaishnava> say it out loud
@CelticGem> Oh!!

2006-09-28T13:18:00.000Z

<+Ophiocus> witnessing the awakening of the chans regs is like watching a sunrise; in ascii art

2006-09-07T12:16:00.000Z

TheBigYin> 50 minutes....
* TheBigYin gets excited
yoda666> what happens then?
TheBigYin> i get to leave Hull
yoda666> hull?
TheBigYin> it's a bit like The Prisoner finally escaping from Portmerion without the big balloon catching him

2006-09-05T12:32:00.000Z

Dive^code> it's sound u will bummp me and that is the red Alert
Dive^code> and u will attack me by ur fighter TheBigYin
+Benway> it's a hatroom, not Street Fighter II
Dive^code> talk with me in good way if u can pls
+Benway> hatroom?
* TheBigYin picks a nice beret from the hats

2006-09-05T01:11:00.000Z

+MythieY> gem, i have a 6th figure of master cheif, and the hitman guy
+MythieY> 6ft*
@vaishnava> i have a masterchef action figure.. posable loyd grossman

2006-09-03T16:26:00.000Z

+Sazzle> pppppppffffffffttttttt bit rich for Argentina to call handball

2006-09-03T16:24:00.000Z

@^Jo^> I used to hide my k/b from myself
@^Jo^> to stop myself logging on too often
@^Jo^> suprisingly it didnt really work

2006-09-03T10:40:00.000Z

+Zanatos`> well if they were more atheists it would be better :)
@Benway> amen
@Benway> ;)

2006-08-25T21:54:00.000Z

@Phaedrus-> Deep man. You should put get that published. Maybe on a bumper sticker.

2006-08-21T21:31:00.000Z

+wotana> you say vibrators and half the channel loses track

2006-07-20T23:52:00.000Z

bode_plot> what do you lot usually talk about?
@kaite> the last person who left the channel

2006-07-17T22:58:00.000Z

FreeSpirit> its a tough room
FreeSpirit> someone was kicked earlier for repeating a Billy Connolly joke - it's that tough
@grandpa1> FreeSpirit..We have standards...that's all......
FreeSpirit> lol
@grandpa1> Even Connoly's wife leaves the room when he tells jokes......

2006-07-17T22:56:00.000Z

D-GENERATION> i´m mr horny
FreeSpirit> hmmm
+Luce`> im mrs antlers
+Luce`> how d'you do

2006-07-05T10:45:00.000Z

* @arryana pokes phae between the eyes
+Phaedrus-> Thanks arry. I was just thinking... "Hmm. No searing pain in my forehead this morning. SOmething must be wrong."

2006-06-13T23:08:00.000Z

* @arryana pokes phae
* +Phaedrus- accepts an 8 bit value.

2006-06-12T09:49:00.000Z

TheBigYin> opinions are like farts.... you dont mind them if they're your own

2006-05-26T13:52:00.000Z

+Meerkat> well i thought utah was a straight state being predominantly moron
+Meerkat> mormon!

2006-05-24T23:11:00.000Z

* +cmnthief (cmnthief@CommonThief.users.undernet.org) Quit (Quit: quitting cigarettes is easy.. just yesterday, i quit 3 times)

2006-05-19T09:24:00.000Z

baltazar`> i'm such a looser, why doesn't god let me die
@Benway> he is, he's just taking his time about it

2006-05-11T00:52:00.000Z

SpeshulED> shurely there must be a girl here that wants to love me
+vaishnava> no..and don't call me shirley
SpeshulED> i didnt call you shirley
+vaishnava> no! i waited by the phone all evening
+vaishnava> but no call

2006-05-08T16:05:00.000Z

@Meerkat> oh so you're a right brain aren't you phaedy?
+Phaedrus-> Erm... I dont understand the question ;)
* @Meerkat peers at the NERD on Phaedrus- forehead
@Meerkat> :P
@Benway> that should read GEEK... there's nothing wrong with Phaed's social skills
@Meerkat> oh right!
+Phaedrus-> Haha

2006-04-22T00:49:00.000Z

ben_gabbyuk> any f wishing to chat to uk couple please message us
JumpSquad> what about the rest of the alphabet

2006-04-20T15:01:00.000Z

* @Swish notes the beautiful weather
@Nikina> Are you in a summer dress as well, Swish?

2006-04-20T15:00:00.000Z

Freyjah> Whys it so dead here?
@Nikina> Zombie plague.

2006-04-20T00:59:00.000Z

carlito_g007> tell about your life
@vaishnava> my life? all of it? that's a lot of telling..
carlito_g007> tell me all please
@vaishnava> well..i was born in 1983..i don't remember that, it's what i have been told
@vaishnava> i think i spent my early months lying around not doing much
carlito_g007> nice story, tell me more please
@vaishnava> at some point i learnt how to walk and talk and read and write, and now here i am, the end.

2006-03-26T12:46:00.000Z

jackyjane> tks benway u an angle;}
NicolaUK> empty in here today
@Benway> 90 degrees, so I'm told
Pr3t0r|an> Benway stretch up, mate :)
@Benway> nah, I like being right ;)

2006-03-25T18:35:00.000Z

@Nikina> Yah. I like to use common words to elucidate, and to bring people out of their Stygian murks.

2006-03-25T15:56:00.000Z

st3v0L> does anyone know how do u say i love u in japanese :/
Teleph0n|c> st3v0L - 10 dollah
Teleph0n|c> or something :p
deja_moo> I rove you

2006-03-23T13:35:00.000Z

M25> any other motorway around to chat?

2006-03-18T22:37:00.000Z

+deja_moo> offering warnings to these idiots is like administering medicine to the dead

2006-03-16T20:34:00.000Z

bad_MAn> talkme
bad_MAn> i'mlonely
McGraw> get a pet

2006-03-15T11:39:00.000Z

+Niqulaz> Actually, any teleportation-device for a computer would be neat... I mean, there are soooo many users I'd like to teleport an armed gas-grenade

2006-03-07T18:25:00.000Z

+TheBigYin> she's still going on about Tommy Cooper
+TheBigYin> we tried to stop her
BrunoJ> aaah
@Meerkat> you did?
+Nikina> We tried, but you ignored our efforts just like that.

2006-03-06T14:46:00.000Z

+TheBigYin> Babbage knew a thing or two
+Beeblbrox> mmmmmmm now you're talking techie boy
gordboy> my computer is a 750 watt heater. the screen and stuff is just patter
+TheBigYin> including how to have a name that rhymes with cabbage
+Beeblbrox> keep going your turning me on

2006-02-27T02:57:00.000Z

@Meerkat> a 17th century setting in which King Charles lifts the decree that only men can play actors on stage.
@Meerkat> its based on a book which was based loosely on actual events.
@Meerkat> 17th?
@Meerkat> is that right
@Meerkat> oh blast now i can't remember
@vaishnava> so it's his fault that jennifer lopez strayed from singing

2006-02-25T16:26:00.000Z

@arryana> i didnt write it
@arryana> some lame script writer did
+Nikina> I keep meaning to point to point that out.
@Benway> written by a tourettes afflicted monkey
+Nikina> I used to be a script writer.
@Benway> .read $$1 **** damnit!

2006-02-17T02:40:00.000Z

+cmnthief> i've thought about phonesex, but all my phones are ugly

2006-02-10T20:35:00.000Z

goldmaster> i fuck england
@Meerkat> what, the -whole- country?
CanYouSeeMe> lol
@Meerkat> thats one big fellow :D

2006-02-04T18:52:00.000Z

Robyn_16> link my pusyy...
* Robyn_16 was kicked by Benway
@Nikina> Link it?
+WyvernLrd> must have a porn site ?

2006-02-02T23:28:00.000Z

+Phaedrus-> The only thing I couldnt do, was breastfeed.
+Soyburg> just like some men can't dance or sing, some can't change diapers.
+Phaedrus-> She refused to let me, saying it was just for baby ;-)

2006-02-02T23:27:00.000Z

+OldBaldy> you ever held a womans hand during childbirth?????? lol
+Phaedrus-> 3 times.
@^Jo^> got any fingers left Phaedrus-

2005-12-29T21:44:00.000Z

@Nikina> Punctuation is your friend, but it has feelings too.

2005-12-23T01:01:00.000Z

*** Katie has joined #england
Katie> helllooo
*** Katie Quit (Quit)
niqulaz>Well, that was a brief message, brought to you by Katie

2005-12-18T16:59:00.000Z

Serio25> somegirl in the room ?
* Niqulaz points at arryana
Niqulaz> She's female
Niqulaz> 7me runs
@arryana> dont do that
Niqulaz> why deny the inevatable? Sooner or later they'll start bothering you anyway ;p

2005-12-17T20:09:00.000Z

* @Nikina sprays some Haze
* +Benway sprays some mace
* @Nikina swings a mace
* +Benway dies
@Nikina> I win!

2005-12-16T02:21:00.000Z

+boblet> I'm gonna search for timmy mallet pictures

2005-12-14T16:00:00.000Z

Niqulaz> Let's see... Gotta prioritize some bills before I go... Recent, recent, getting a bit old, mentioning kneecaps... That one gets priority...

2005-12-01T15:55:00.000Z

+TheBigYin> as a scotsman, i think dancnig is evil and satanic, and i dont do it
@CelticGem> lol
@arryana> thats cause you have no rhythm, and skirts with no knickers.
@arryana> we're all grateful for scots unwillingness to dance

2005-11-30T23:10:00.000Z

+Soyburg> thou art right in proclaiming that there is something amiss in that language of yours. but "y'all" won't fix it, no sir.

2005-11-30T14:40:00.000Z

+arryana> boy, if anyone ever needed further proof of her mental illness, "this aol dial-up is brilliant"

2005-11-30T14:38:00.000Z

@TheBigYin> you'er childish and puerile
+Meerkat> hah
+Meerkat> oh thanks
+Meerkat> hahaha
Meno26> no matureness issue
+boblet> nyaaaa you are!
@TheBigYin> are so!
@TheBigYin> i'll tell
+boblet> nyaa you are, my mam says
+Pr3feratA> i thought that men are like that for entire their lifes
+boblet> only infront of women
+boblet> when it's just men, we talk about our feelings and cry a lot

2005-11-28T16:14:00.000Z

+CelticGem> #xmas is locked.

2005-11-22T15:56:00.000Z

+arryana> there's paints like that too, standyuppy
+arryana> they only work on special paper
+Meerkat> oh yeah? what are they called?
+arryana> hmm
Cheech> special paint

2005-11-22T15:24:00.000Z

+CelticWitch> my msn is being a beeach tho.
Cheech> it has palm trees and makes sea noises?

2005-11-17T15:26:00.000Z

wotana> yes! give us more crap, boblet!
+boblet> I don't wanna
wotana> awwuh
+boblet> I got cognitive constipation
wotana> pweease?
+boblet> so I can't
wotana> lol
* wotana wonders what constitutes as cognitive laxative
+Phaedrus-> IRC usually

2005-11-17T15:18:00.000Z

@arryana> there's heaps of room under the hood
@arryana> ive slept under there for the engine heat, in my younger days
+boblet> oo, you could wrap meat in foil and cook it and that :)
@arryana> done that too
@arryana> takes 25 minutes for a hot dog
+boblet> and, if it's big enough, roadkill
@arryana> seven hours for a chicken.
+boblet> what about a deer ?
@arryana> never cooked a deer on the engine
+TheBigYin> seven hours for a chicken? and about $400 in gas

+TheBigYin> imagine getting 6.5 hours into the journey.. you go over a bump, and your chicken falls onto the road and gets eaten by a fox

<+Phaedrus-> I can see the garage report now: "chicken fat in engine management computer"

2005-11-15T20:36:00.000Z

+boblet> hmm, "born 2 kill" and looking for a young girl
+boblet> good luck with those issues there...
+Morodiene> lol
@Benway> minibob :)
+boblet> ello full size benway
born_2_kill> im libian
born_2_kill> lisbian
+Morodiene> oh, I read that as "miniboob"
+boblet> your a lybian lesbian ?
+boblet> that's great
+Morodiene> ah, and here come the pm's
+boblet> oh I don't get many pm's these days
+Morodiene> just say "boob" and you're in
+boblet> must be because I'm a naked 18 year old cheerleader with webcam
+Morodiene> lolol
+boblet> "you must give me your msn!!"
+boblet> etc
+boblet> no
+Meerkat> Lunador in channel only please
+boblet> heh*
+boblet> yay meerkat wins :)

2005-09-29T20:01:00.000Z

Niqulaz> The danish airforce has decided to pay up to Santa Claus after accidentally killing one of his reindeer

2005-09-29T19:56:00.000Z

* Siouxsie hates headaches..
Meerkat> i do. they distract me from having fun.
RoBorg> fun? explain!
donutz> hey watcha doin peeps
Siouxsie> waiting for meerkat to explain fun to us..
RoBorg> I think she's gone off having it
RoBorg> fun, I mean...

2005-08-31T10:38:00.000Z

kath5> Im saving the world and baking a cake while I chat
kath5> writing a novel and giving birth simultaneously
^Jo^> nice apron kath5
kath5> made it myself ^Jo^ :)
^Jo^> lol

2005-08-30T13:54:00.000Z

* Nikina coughs politely
* TheBigYin wipes up a small speck of phlegnm
* TheBigYin is Nikina's punkawallah
Nikina> At last, I've been waiting years for one of those.
TheBigYin> if only she hadnt insisted on me being a eunuch as well
Nikina> Ah, that was a terrible mistake. I told them you're unique but they misheard.

2005-07-19T20:13:00.000Z

ThePSB> Ever smelt moth balls?
+CKmeister> can't say I have
Zanatos`> lol
Psychonut> i can never get close enough to find their balls

2005-07-18T23:39:00.000Z

SupermanTr> ý met a girl two days before her name was melissa
+vaishnava> what was her name then?

2005-07-12T14:26:00.000Z

* Enola-Gay is now known as meerkat
* meerkat is now known as smiffycom
* Mongoose is now known as meerkat
* TheBigYin is scared to cyber Meery now, in case its really smiffy
smiffycom> didnt stop you the other night

2005-07-08T14:38:00.000Z

CiNo> dddhhhhffgdfffffffffffffff
+Mu5tang> bless you
Morodiene> hehe
+Siouxsie> heheh..
+Mu5tang> its awful when you get a keyboard stuck up your nose

2005-07-06T12:17:00.000Z

@CelticGem> AA Miln also wrote pornographic novels for adults

+Zanatos`> thats the wrong kind of bouncy bouncy fun fun fun celtic :)

2005-07-06T06:37:00.000Z

Joaneee> nothing the matter with tripe
+Nikina> I didn't say there was... but I've never had it and don't want it either. It's white and wobbly. Like bad jelly.
Joaneee> nooooo
Joaneee> if its wobbly...its over its age limit lol
* Joaneee makes it with parsley cheese sauce mmm
+Nikina> Strange, that applies to people too.

2005-07-05T08:35:00.000Z

U235> i have 5kg of Uranium235 stabs purified with a metalic laier it dosent emit radon the cpm is 5000 is in a safe radioactine container i dont care wath yu do with it i just need money if you areinterested /msg me

+Psychonut> don't advertise or promote nuclear terrorism here

2005-07-05T02:21:00.000Z

AnGe`BoY> i think i'll die, too
+vaishnava> when?
+vaishnava> can i bring sandwiches?

2005-07-03T21:02:00.000Z

he11bound> I fancy some toast
+Zanatos`> ew
+Zanatos`> make a gf out of toast , i can see it now
* +Mu5tang makes a toast to Zanatos` new gf
+Siouxsie> lol..
+Mu5tang> raise your glasses
+vaishnava> puts a whole new meaning on "spread her legs"
JohnFaith> That's just sick
* +Siouxsie raises hers..
+Mu5tang> haha
+Zanatos`> i will name her toastalina
he11bound> gf?....naaa...I like my women like I like my coffee...ground up and in the freezer

2005-07-03T20:11:00.001Z

Ocgurtusssss> How to say in Finnish?
+TheBigYin> no finnish please
+vaishnava> no starrt either

2005-06-29T15:11:00.000Z

+FreWman> how do i keep a log?
@Benway> don't flush

2005-06-21T00:38:00.000Z

* @Benway sings along to Joy Division, before realising he has no idea what the words actually say
+vaishnava> gloves.. gloves can dare us to bath, again

2005-06-20T18:36:00.000Z

+Siouxsie> oh soooo tired..
@Benway> well
@Benway> make coffee for all of us, while you're up
+Siouxsie> oh lord..
+Siouxsie> i'm noy exactly up..
@Benway> nono... the phrase is "certainly, my lord"
+Siouxsie> lool..
+Siouxsie> er,lol..
* @Benway grins
+Siouxsie> i'm not worthy..
+Siouxsie> forgive me for i have sinned..
+Siouxsie> =:)
+Siouxsie> ok, bb..
@Benway> bless you my child. Now say 5 billion Hail Benways, and bring us coffee
* Siouxsie is now known as SiouxShower
+arryana> hail benway, furry of face, the couch is with thee
+SiouxShower> lol!!!
+SiouxShower> lol arry..
+arryana> holy benway, father of none, pest of all, teach us patience

2005-06-20T17:46:00.000Z

@Nikina> See, I'm not just the cold heartless cow people think I am. I'm buckets of fun, too!

2005-06-20T09:05:00.000Z

+TheBigYin> Ozzy and the Carpenters.. no sense of ironic juxtaposition there
@CelticGem> I dont mind the Carpenters as she had a nice voice
+TheBigYin> one ate chickens heads the other one ate nothing
@CelticGem> lol
+TheBigYin> one is dead, the other just looks dead

2005-06-20T08:44:00.000Z

+Siouxsie> i dont have a cam..
+Siouxsie> yet..
+TheBigYin> well can you draw really fast?

2005-06-16T15:41:00.000Z

PaSTeLiTo> mpla mpla
bev-> now, that is what i call a balanced comment

2005-06-14T16:05:00.000Z

+Mu5tang> webcams are tricky, its really hard staying still 50 times a second

2005-06-14T13:41:00.000Z

+Meerkat> fjkhty: in channel only please
+Meerkat> and get a nick with more vowels in it please

2005-06-14T13:08:00.000Z

BLUESHGREY> I know m or f
BLUESHGREY> but whts L?

2005-06-14T12:55:00.000Z

+Siouxsie> mmm, penguin wine..

2005-06-03T20:16:00.000Z

DiabloSV> a paradox is nearly a pair of boots worn by skinheads in the 80's in some warped way

2005-06-01T09:38:00.000Z

IM2COOL4U> can u give me the names of good djs
+Mu5tang> well, avoid terry wogan

2005-06-01T09:02:00.000Z

+[Pete]> M21_cam_uk: i didnt know the uni of londons computer centre had webcams :P
+Psychonut> he's logged into the cctv

2005-06-01T08:49:00.000Z

Cheech> pete is like a greek god
Cheech> except hes not really greek n stuff
@CelticGem> and no one worships him
@[Pete]> aye
@[Pete]> that bit lets it down
@CelticGem> lol
@[Pete]> Cg: they dont ?
@[Pete]> bugger! :P

2005-05-31T12:30:00.000Z

l3ve> any girl wannna chat
TheBigYin> only men pretending to be girls.. that do?
* Nikina laughs and scratches her beard
* TheBigYin takes that last sentence way out of context
IntTridni> nikina is a girl?
* IntTridni looks hungrily towards her
TheBigYin> these pesky cannibals
IntTridni> lol :)
IntTridni> lol @ cannibals
* Nikina bastes herself resignedly
TheBigYin> i've often heard Nikina called a prize baster by several regular channel pests

2005-05-26T16:24:00.000Z

@Nikina> I think someone is drugging my frogs.

2005-05-26T15:30:00.000Z

@CelticGem> yeah
@CelticGem> I think they're awfully cute
@arryana> and even benway can keep up with it
@CelticGem> hehe
@CelticGem> Thats actually an old wives tale
@CelticGem> Young tortoises can move quite quickly

2005-05-26T13:04:00.000Z

+Siouxsie> i have a wooden huey..
@Benway> that's gotta be uncomfortable

2005-05-26T08:27:00.000Z

+Siouxsie raises her eyebrow..
+DiabloSV sees that eyebrow and raises an arm
+Siouxsie sees that and raises a leg..
+Siouxsie> its broken though..

2005-05-25T11:18:00.000Z

@CelticGem> My mission was successfully completed
+slinky-> CG what was the mission?
+TheBigYin> she cant say, but she had to flush twice

2005-05-24T13:38:00.000Z

+Psychonut> do bats pee upside down ?

Sure?

2005-05-24T13:12:00.000Z

* CelticGem thinks she knows who does the channel blogs page!
CelticGem> Muhahaha!
TheBigYin> i've had my theories about that
TheBigYin> but them this might be a Jools double-bluff
CelticGem> I just went to have a look and a quote made not more than 15 minutes ago is there
Nikina> There are 64 people in the channel. It could be any one of them/us.
CelticGem> Well I wont say whom I think it is cuz he/she doesnt want to be revealed
* BrunoJ (BrunoJ@BrunoJ.users.undernet.org) has joined #england
Wibble> [BrunoJ] Cat, the other white meat.
CelticGem> Nah its someone I thought it might be
Nikina> That X is multi-talented, eh?
CelticGem> lol
BrunoJ> hi julie
CelticGem> I know for sure who it is now......
TheBigYin> haha
TheBigYin> me too
TheBigYin> and i'm glad to say my initial intuition was right

2005-05-24T12:54:00.000Z

+TheBigYin> heh, well you cant complain then :) yuo can either be an ice goddess or a sex queen, but not both
@Nikina> You try me.
@Nikina> Actually, no, don't.
+TheBigYin> hah